I know being away for approximately... 7 hours isn't really a "day off" by many standards, but the fact that I was able to get out of my house, see some friends, hang out and just have fun in their company was a good remedy for what has been happening to me the last couple weeks.

I'm not gonna say that I'm "annoyed" with many of the comments I received to the last journal (I did read them all), but I'm more saddened that a majority of them were reprimanding me for having the feelings I was having. Telling me off for reacting to what is the common, internet norm. Stating that it is to be expected that the internet is full of trolls, disrespect, immaturity and thievery.

Here's the thing, to all of you who chastised me... I KNOW THAT.

My journal wasn't about complaining towards those things, but more explaining that I finally had hit my breaking point in regards to all those problems. Most of you know, I deal with that stuff on a day to day basis (More like month to month). Most of you also know I'm normally able to deal with that stuff rather well, oftentimes responding in clever or humble manners. Yet you still cut down on me when I finally announced that I hit said breaking point.

I didn't share with everyone everything that had been going on in my life, not even close. I had shared only what was going on in internet land and how I feel that it has all been stacking up on me. As far as real life goes, I'm fighting not having a job for several months now, not being able to be with my friends (or anyone besides family) for weeks or even months at a time, and suffering in general for the life problems I'm facing, etc.

Yes, I wrote out the journal in anger and depression. I also realize that in addressing the issues that bug me, I myself was filling in the role of what I was unhappy about being around. I did not need that pointed out to me at that time.

I will still thank those that offered an arm of friendship and/or apologies. It hasn't been anyone in specific that I've been unhappy with. I'm happy that most of you recognized that I wasn't merely complaining about those issues but that I had grown tired and depressed cuz of them. I'm always happy to see those that are sympathetic rather than critical.

I'm not gonna be deactivating my account at this time. Even if I did, I know I'd end up migrating back to this site in one form or another. There would be a lot I'd be leaving behind, even with the feeling that I'm rather alone most of the time.

Seriously, all my problems bottle up and I don't have many ways to release all the pent up emotion. I never let small things get to me. I usually end up letting EVERYTHING get to me. For those of you who have depression, you know very well how that goes.

I'm sorry for the last journal and being angry with the whole world. I feel like I'm trying so hard to be more aggressive and assertive that I've ended up changing my outlook on a lot of things, which can make a bigger mess sometimes. Do many of you remember what I used to be like a year or so ago? I was always, unquestionably happy and positive. Now, I've lost it, kind of like how a Lost Boy from Peter Pan loses a happy thought and can't fly anymore.

I want to be the "Wesker" I was before. Not the grumpy, pushy "Jordan" I am now. Wesker took things well, Jordan can't seem to do anything right these days. I'm gonna be working greatly on getting back that state of mind I used to have. Even if that means keeping my mouth shut when I think I have the right answer, it may not be my place to speak. Also to "turn the other cheek" when I start getting my daily dose of "troll" or disrespectful adolescence (Or even adult).

I did it before. I can do it again.